Thursday, December 8, 2011

Another Blogfest: With a Contest!


Brenda Drake has such cool contests. This time, it's this one:

Anyone can play and you can still enter: you post your first 250 words on your blog and general crits as well as guesses as to what the character's age is. Then you polish them up and email them to Brenda before 11:59 PM on October *ahem* December 10 (thanks, Shelly). She'll winnow them out and post them on her blog, where they'll be judged by Gabriela Lessa. Prizes will be awarded. For full details, go here.

If you've been following my blog for a while, you've seen this a lot. It's mildly different, and I'm very open to further changes. There aren't any references to her age, so I didn't have to black anything out.

Brina knew better than to go out in public looking less than her questionable best. But she was late, it was rush hour, and home was thirty minutes away by car… but only ten by air. So she dumped her school bag, gym bag, and purse in her best friend Moira’s closet, threw open the window, and sat on the sill.
She closed her eyes, and, concentrating on the gland behind her heart, started pushing Black pixie dust through her body. When her fingertips started to tingle, she thought small and opened her eyes to see the window frame rising large around her as she shrank down, down, until she was the size of a small mouse, buffeted by the warm fall breeze.
Moira lifted a hand, already headed for her shower. “See you tomorrow,” she said.
Brina grinned, waved, and launched herself into the sweltering air of San Antonio, gliding above the manicured gardens that stretched out under Moira’s window.
The first flash came from her left and, like an idiot, she twisted toward it. Which is how the photographer’s zoom lens caught her: eyes opened wide, long braid slicked back from her face with her own sweat, and limbs sticking out at startled angles from her workout tank and short-shorts. All of it glowing softly brown in the dusk.
As a special bonus, the magazine’s cover photo captured the moment her four bright white wings froze in shock, sending her plummeting a few feet downward. 
So what do you think? How old does Brina seem? Any tips to help me convey her age better?

Note: if you're looking for the winner of NIGHTINGALE, I'll have that up tonight... I hope.

21 comments:

  1. Oo, interesting! Coming over for the blog hop.

    I'm going to guess that she's 14 or 15. She's old enough to care how she looks, but still not overly cautious. A bit impulsive.

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  2. Oooh, intriguing!

    I'm torn on age. I think she's old enough to drive. The first paragraph mentions it's half an hour by car, which makes me think she can drive. Unless she'd get a ride, but my first impression was "oh, she can drive". And she's still in school (I assume high school, though it could be college) and she has a gym bag, and it sounds like she just got back from a workout with her friend.

    My first guess is that she's about seventeen. If college, I'd guess nineteen.

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  3. old enough to drive, but still in highschool from the gym bag. I my highschool, gym was an elective (not mandatory) for the last 2 years, don't know if that's common.

    I'm going with 16, but if it wasn't for the driving comment, I'd think she was younger.

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  4. I think 16 or 17, based on driving but the overall youthfulness of her voice. Nice start to the story!

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  5. Ouch! Not the best position for her to be in! I'm pegging her at about sixteen. Great writing! :D

    (I'm participating too, if you want to check mine out!)

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  6. I'm going to have to go with 17. Great start!

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  7. Thanks, everyone! I'm not sure I'm supposed to tell you yet, so I won't. :) Wanna see what everyone else guesses. :D

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  8. I think I'm gonna guess 16 maybe? This is a good one - I love the voice in it!!

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  9. 16-18 yrs, from the driving line and that she's so worried about how she appears.

    (you wrote October 10... I think you mean December 10th)

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  10. Umm…her voice reads 14 or 15 to me, being so very self-conscious, but then it's insinuated that she can drive, so, I suppose she's older than that. A young/slightly immature 16? Good luck! =)

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  11. The driving also makes me think she must be 16, but certain aspects of her voice and how she reacts to the situation make me think she's 14.

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  12. I think she's 17, but in fairy years, I'm not too sure. :)

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  13. what a fun start! I'd guess she's 17??
    Julia

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  14. Great opening. I really pictured her getting smaller. Great description! I'm guessing 16 because she sounds like she is able to drive but decided to fly because it's faster.

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  15. Wow, this is a really fun beginning. Your story has a really whimsical vibe, which makes your MC seem around 13 to me. I'd love to read this!

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  16. Ooh, what a fun blogfest! I think I might participate in this too. I'd guess the character is 15 or 16. I like the idea of her magic being in a gland behind her heart. Very cool!

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  17. She sounds like a teen to me. Maybe 14 or so, but I've read your excerpts a lot (and I like this revision).

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  18. Thanks, everyone! I made semi-finals! http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/2011/12/semi-finalist-2.html

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