Friday, March 16, 2012

Perception

My six-year-old is sick. He's been running a fever for more than a week. Not counting the last time he was sick, a couple weeks ago. That fever is normally around 99 degrees, but last weekend, it was spiking to 106 degrees. Scary stuff.

Monday, my husband took him in for blood work and we discovered that his white blood cell count was frighteningly low. He has swollen lymph nodes. This COULD be an indication that he has lymphoma, but, at present, we know nothing. It could be an infection. It could be almost anything. It could be nothing.

Next Monday, we're taking him in for more blood work, so we can compare the blood work from last time. After that, we might be referred to a pediatric oncologist.

(By the way, who in their right mind would ever want to be a pediatric oncologist? I'm sure they're needed and I'm grateful they exist, but shoot. Talk about a buzz-kill profession.)

Anyway, my husband is a wreck. When he tells people about it, he leads off with "my son might have terminal lymphoma." Yeah. I wanted to hit him. Bad enough he's not eating, sleeping, or keeping things in perspective! Does he have to get everyone else thinking worst-case-scenario, too?

By contrast, I'm a cold-hearted you-know-what. I don't like worrying, so I don't do it. I don't use the c-word where the kids can hear me. I don't break down. Ever. I'm not being strong, I'm not toughing this out, and I'm not ignoring the facts. We don't have any facts. Until we do, all the hair-pulling, tear-jerking, heart-wrenching, and fist shaking in the world will accomplish exactly nothing.

Time enough for that sort of thing when we have some actual news, methinks.

Or not, since I fully expect this to be nothing.

So where does the glass sit for you when possibly horrible news is looming?

(Oh, and if you know us and you want more info, don't call my husband. I'll be updating my Facebook page when we have news, and I'll probably tweet and drop a line here, too.)

16 comments:

  1. Firstly, you, your hubby, and your son are in my thoughts and prayers. I do admire your mindset. Letting the unknown have its way with you be quite daunting. I believe your attitude will take you and your family all along way.

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    1. Thanks, SA. We can certainly use all the prayers we can get.

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  2. I feel for you. I know how it feels to wait (and wait and wait) for a possible cancer diagnosis. And while mine did turn out to be the Big C, it also turned out to be not nearly as bad as we all expected it to be. Perspective, indeed.

    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. Because I know you, I know even cancer can be overcome.

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  3. Oh no, I hope the blood work comes back with hopeful news. And a 106 fever--I'd be terrified. Will pray for you, good luck during this hard time.

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    1. He was never 106 for long. Still, it was scary.

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  4. Geez, I sure hope it's nothing but a simple infection. And yeah, it does no good to worry and obsess when you don't know anything. My doc scared the heck out of me a couple of months ago after a breast exam. I endured weeks of tests and immeasurable worrying that wouldn't be around to see my son graduate college, fall in love, and have his own family, not to mention see my book published. But in the end, it was all for nothing. I was fine. So let this be a lesson. Do not worry about something until you KNOW there is actually something to worry about. In the mean time, I'll will keep you all in my prayers. God bless!!

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    1. See? I'm SOOO not a fan of useless worry. It's not fun.

      So sorry you had to go through that!

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  5. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers and like you said it's nothing. ;0)

    I tend to consider the worst case scenario but makes myself believe that's not what it is. I try not to but my mind always goes there. And I spend a little while usually worrying for nothing.

    I hope your son feel better soon.

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    1. Well, I AM a mother, so of course I considered the worst-case scenario. I'm just not worrying about it.

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  6. So sorry and hope you get good news soon! Waiting for test results is the worst.

    I myself tend to over-worry, while my hubby is the opposite. It can be hard to understand how people can react so differently to the same situation and to recognize that both are valid and even useful. In all my worrying I do start to come up with plans and options that can help, but I would go off the deep end without his balance. This is a time that it is *so* good to have a team.

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  7. Wow, a fever of 106--I'd be calling for the ambulance across the street (we live by an emergency center that has everything--lucky us). So sorry to hear he's been sick, I will pray that you get no bad news at all, that this was a fluke & he's 100% better tomorrow. In the meantime, kuddos to you for not freaking. I think it's up to the women to do that usually. My hubby is the worrier for sure. I'm like you. Worrying won't do a thing to help so why do it? We have to be strong for our kids, especially when they need us like when they are sick. Anyways, sending prayers your way!

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  8. Prayers for you son and your husband. Kudos to you for not even saying the 'bad things' out loud. Do nothing to bring them to your door.

    I'm so superstitious you would think I had no faith - not true. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and know that 'with God all things are possible'.

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  9. I really hope that the news is 'just' an infection. I always think the worst, but I never articulate it, like saying it might jinx something.

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  10. You know I'm praying for you, Robin. And you're right. It could just be a tough virus. There's plenty of that going around this winter.

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  11. Oh Robin I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all of that :( I'll keep your son in my prayers.

    I'm a lot like you. We have had a couple of scary medical things like that and I usually just listen carefully, get the facts, and then wait for the results. I don't like the feeling of panic so I try not to give it a place to grow.

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