Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #2: CHILDREN OF THE GODS

CHILDREN OF THE GODS
YA Steampunk/Mythology (Mythpunk)
75,000

Query:

One Night –

A Masquerade under a sky stamped with the silhouettes of airships.

Two Races –

Olympians and Titans living in the automaton luxury of steam technology.

Three Fates –

Who impose the death penalty on interracial relations.

Four Oracles –

Give an Olympian girl and a Titan boy a prophecy.

As a punishment for The Great War between the Titans and Olympians eons ago, the Fates laid down strict segregation laws between the two races that hold fast in this era of airships and glistening automaton cities. When an undeniable attraction transcends the masks and anonymity of the annual Masquerade, eighteen-year-old Titan Lucas Vassallo must make a brutal decision – sacrifice everything for the enticing Olympian Pandora Rines, or submit to the age-old laws no one questions. In the midst of a world taut under the strain of segregation, their defiance of the Fates may cost them their lives.

First 150 Words:

I can say when I first saw her, my breath left me in a whoosh, but that was only because at the same moment, a meaty elbow drove into my gut. A series of curses in the old language flew out of my mouth while I stumbled to one side. A twinge ran up my left leg when I straightened to the laughing eyes of my best friend, Tiro.

"Gods, man, you can say hi like normal people." I punched him in the arm.

Tiro laughed. "Aw, Lucas, all in good fun. 'Sides, you were a little distracted. Spot something tasty?" He slung a mammoth forearm around my neck, his attention on the dance floor below.

I skimmed the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of the girl with the multi-colored hair again, but she was lost in the mass of people. "Nah, just enjoying the view."

"And what a view it is."

13 comments:

  1. Hi there!

    Man oh man, I love steampunk, mythpunk . . . shoot, anything with "punk" tagged on the end gets me giddy.
    I think you've got an awesome concept going on here. I like that you chose to write in the hero's POV. Love your writing and want to buy this book now! :)
    Good luck with GUTGAA!

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  2. Sounds neat! I have to say, your query threw me, but I'm not sure if it's a bad thing or a good thing. Got my attention, so I'll leave that up to you and pro's.

    The first 150 are great, though! I love that he literally lost his breath when he saw her, but for a real reason. lol. Light touch of humor goes a long way, I think.

    Nicely done! Good luck!

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  3. I've commented on this entry in a different contest, so I won't get too wordy here, but I just wanted to chime in to say that I really like the changes you've made to your query. It's visually exciting, unique, and TIGHT. A definite eye-catcher that stands out. I think it will work out great for you. Nice job!

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  4. The 150 is plain awesome, especially the first para. You got it made :). Good luck.

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  5. This is pure awesome. I so want to read this so hurry up and find an agent and land a book deal!

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  6. You've gained my attention. This clearly describes a storyline and the potential for conflict. The "Three Fates" and "Four Oracles" really sums up the intrigue I have with this story.

    Good luck!!

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  7. Beautiful!! Your query is gripping and concise without feeling overwhelming or confusing. Easy to do with a high-concept book.

    Your voice just SINGS in the sample. Nothing like some good, locker-room banter between boys. I love this and would definitely be interested in reading more!

    YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD!

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  8. PITCH: The numbers thing is very cool, but I’m a traditionalist when it comes to pitches, and this feels a little gimmicky. (It would make EXCELLENT back cover copy, though! Seriously. Save it for when this is published!) Instead of the number thing, I’d dive into the characters, who are missing from this pitch. Yes, I see their names, but who are they? What makes them the heroes of this story?
    FIRST 150: Love the first line! This is a great beginning, and I’m excited to get a sense of Lucas right away. Nothing to complain about in the excerpt, not even a nitpick.

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  9. I love the first 150! The query style is different, and I like that, altho the latter part of it kind of lost me.
    Best of luck!!

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  10. I love this...the first line is awesome and your query is intriguing...just the right touch.

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  11. I remember this from another blog (maybe a first line contest?)--I liked it then and now with more context like it even more! I'm totally intrigued.

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