Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #32: BETWEEN THE CURRENTS

BETWEEN THE CURRENTS
YA paranormal
100K

Query:

SLEEP TERRORS have plagued Lilah's nights since childhood. Years later, the episodes are increasing, each night whisking her in lucid dream to Hawaii, a place she loves as much as she hates.

Living in listless Williamsburg, Virginia, Lilah spends equal parts moping her way through community college and avoiding conflict with her mother when life finally begins. In dream she meets Koa, a native Hawaiian with secrets, the most compelling being: she cannot touch him without receiving an electric jolt. It is Koa who will prove to Lilah she isn't dreaming, awakening her to the unimaginable world of astral travel. Within this new world, Lilah discovers her gift – a skill she had no idea she possessed.

When Hawaiian myth collides with reality, Lilah finds herself the crux of an ancient fight over astral travel and is forced to face her greatest fear: trusting herself.

BETWEEN THE CURRENTS is a modern love story where truth and myth converge between astral travel and the waves of the Pacific ocean.

First 150 Words:

Astral projection (or astral travel): The act of separating the astral body (spirit or consciousness)from the physical body and its journey into the astral plane or universe.

I was five when it began, when the vibrations first woke me.

I don’t remember much of my fifth year of life, but that first visit is my most vivid memory.

Much has happened since that first visit.

What did happen began with a book.

It was early summer, June, and the clouds had taken hold of the morning. Our house was dark, quiet, chilly.

I was in my lavender nightgown, ruffles rounding the edges, and eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table when I heard a thump, then a knock.

My heart pounded. At the age of ten, my mother strictly forbid me from answering the door when home alone.

Sitting frozen, I could hear her nasally voice in my head. You’re a young girl Lilah, it isn’t safe.

11 comments:

  1. The last paragraph of the query is perfect. I want to read more only with it. Good luck

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  2. I love the line where you describe Hawaii as "a place she loves as much as she hates." That alone makes me want to know her story! And also, anything with Hawaiian mythology is bound to be interesting. Nice job!

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  3. Very interesting concept and I agree with Anabel. Your last line of the query is awesome. A minor suggestion would be to get rid of the astral projection definition. Only eats up words. Maybe you can introduce it as a dialogue somewhere?

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  4. WHEW!!! I got the chills when I read this.
    What a fun/exciting/sexy premise. Very cool!

    Your query does a great job of summarizing what could be a very complex plot-line and I really enjoy your choppy-style sample. It sets a great move for uncertainty.

    Best of luck.
    YOU HAVE MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD!

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    1. Beezer--so glad you dug my concept/style. Thanks for the vote!

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  5. I love your idea of mixing Hawaiian myth into astral traveling!

    I might consider introducing more of the "high-stakes" into your pitch. Nevertheless, YOU HAVE MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD.

    Congratulations and good luck!

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    1. Thanks for the vote Miss Mary Mac! Will keep your feedback in mind as I revise :)

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  6. PITCH: I’m hooked!
    Total nitpick: I don’t think the colon is warranted in the second paragraph.
    Also, why is “SLEEP TERRORS” all in caps? I thought it was the title, but it didn’t match the one listed.
    FIRST 150: I’m not as hooked with the first 150, but the pitch makes me want to give it a chance. Why I’m not as hooked: it takes place in the past, and it starts with a definition. I’d rather start in the present and get really established in Lilah’s world before moving to her childhood.

    YOU’VE GOT MY VOTE!

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    1. Thanks so much Missus Braidyhead! Yeah the all caps has to do with a syle thing that happens in the book, but I can see how kooky it looks out of context! And I hear you on the first 150...will see what I can come up with :)

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  7. Thank you all for the comments/feedback--I'm taking notes!

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Help prove the void can talk back...