Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #5: EXISTENCE

EXISTENCE
YA sci-fi 
60,000

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Chrissie Fox prefers living in the past, literally. She and her father Curve through the ages to prevent a group of agents called Time Flyers from changing the past in order to alter the future. Her trips must be kept secret, friendships or romance are out of the question. Even when a cute boy, Ashton, seems interested in her.

Life is perfect until Chrissie's father is stabbed by a Time Flyer in an attempt to steal the pocket watch that allows them to Curve through time. Even with the ability to travel to the past, she knows changing what happened could rip the fabric of time and transform the future. It's safer to leave the past alone.

Chrissie is just beginning to accept life without her father when Ashton discovers her watch and activates a Time Curve. Forced to travel with him, she finds herself at the scene of her father's death, moments before the crime. Face to face with her father's murderer, Chrissie and Ashton set out to bring her father justice.

Instead of finding justice, her watch is stolen, leaving both Chrissie and Ashton stuck in the past. In a race against time, Chrissie must recover her watch or risk the world's existence.

First 150 Words:

Chrissie Fox could taste the metallic sting of time on her tongue. In one hand she held an ancient pocket watch with a cylindrical key inserted. Her other hand was entwined with her father’s. She took a deep breath to let the taste clear. Traveling from past to future was always a little unsettling and it took her a minute to adjust.

Her father let go of her hand and together they looked around. She was standing on an immaculate green lawn. To her right stood a stone gazebo, to her left a wrought iron gate.

Chrissie’s father cleared his throat, a map held out in front of him. “I think we’re at George Washington University.”

“And where is the President supposed to be again?”

“Washington Hilton Hotel. A few blocks west. We’ll have to run.”

“Got it.”

Chrissie took the key out of the back of the watch and slung both items around her neck and under her over-sized sweater.

11 comments:

  1. Hi there!

    I think you've got a very intriguing concept. Curving time-sounds awesome! I like your first 150 and want to keep reading.

    Good luck with GUTGAA!

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  2. OH, My heart is broken for her! Having to see her fathers death, being ABLE to do something about it but knowing better? HARD! I love this concept, you've done a fabulous job. I would buy this in a heartbeat!

    Good luck!

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  3. *stands on chair applauding*

    YAY!! Amazing concept, strong voice, robust prose--all the makings for a great read.

    I would love to read more of this book!!

    YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD!

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  4. I love the pace of the first 150 and (like BEEZER said) the voice and writing is strong. I wish I had constructive criticism on the query or the first 150 but I think they're perfect :)
    So YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You have a very compelling pitch and a storyline that I'm itching to read!

    Congratulations and good luck.

    YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD!

    ReplyDelete
  6. PITCH: The living-in-the-past aspect grabbed me, as well as Chrissie not being allowed to have friends or romantic interests. I think the pitch could be tightened, though—it gives away too much of the plot. Leaving off the last paragraph might remedy that. Also, nitpick: it wasn’t clear to me that Chrissie’s dad was killed, just that he was stabbed, & there was a little pronoun confusion with whose pocket watch, and who was doing the stealing.
    FIRST 150: I would keep reading, definitely. I want to know what they’re going to do when they see the president, especially if they don’t alter history. Are they just going to watch him? Anyway, I’m intrigued, and the sensory details pulled me in, especially “the metallic sting of time on her tongue.” Love that.

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  7. Yay!!!! You've got 3 votes!! I'm soooo happy for you!!! Wishing you the best of luck! :O)

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  8. Time travel FTW! And I'm always a sucker for a pocket watch! This sounds really great. Just love it!
    Best of luck!

    ReplyDelete

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